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Vin Diesel Changes Name to Vin E85 Amid Extreme Fuel Prices
The Fast & Furious Star Says Name Change and Using Only CGI Cars Will Help the Next Movie Finish on Budget
Oct 6
•
ninetyoneoctane
Lance Stroll GrubHubs Champagne After Historic First Full-Race Finish of the Season
Team Scrambles to Find Party Supplies After Admitting They Never Budgeted for This
Oct 5
•
ninetyoneoctane
BMW Responds to New Design Criticism: “It Looks Way More Attractive If You Can Actually Afford It”
Company Says Negative Reactions Have Come Mostly From People With 400 Credit Scores
Oct 1
•
ninetyoneoctane
September 2026
Local Mechanic Fixes EV by Turning It Off and On Again
Mechanic Says If It Starts Acting Up Again He Would Just Unplug it for 3 Second and Try Again
Sep 29
•
ninetyoneoctane
Jiffy Lube Upgrades Technicians’ Impact Guns With Oil Filter Attachments in Effort to Improve Oil Change Times
Company Says New System Ensures Oil Filters are Perfectly Torqued and Never Come Off Again
Sep 28
•
ninetyoneoctane
Local Man Found Tied Up in Garage Days After Attempting Own String Alignment
Roommates Alerted Authorities After Noticing the Profanity and Sound of Cracking Beers Had Stopped
Sep 25
•
ninetyoneoctane
Self-Driving Cars Ready to Replace Rideshare Drivers Just in Time for It to Be Too Expensive to Go Anywhere
Companies Say Eliminating Human Labor Will Make Rides More Affordable Once They Finish Raising Prices
Sep 24
•
ninetyoneoctane
Uber Launches Togue Delivery, Promises Record Delivery Times Without Spilling a Drop
From Mount Akina to Your Doorstep, It’s Not Just for Tofu Anymore, but It Can Be Tofu
Sep 22
•
ninetyoneoctane
Jos Verstappen Disappointed It Took Max 14 Whole Laps to Beat 100 Karters
Jos Could Be Heard Asking in Outrage, “He’s Not Done Yet?” Before Race Start
Sep 21
•
ninetyoneoctane
To Combat Rising Fuel Costs, Gas Stations Reduce Gallons to Pints
White House Touts Return of Sub-99-Cent Gas as Major Victory Ahead of Midterms
Sep 18
•
ninetyoneoctane
Revolutionary New Touge Shoes Feature Built-In Attachment Points for Helicopter Extraction
Optional Canyon-Carving Gloves Include Face-Covering Webbing to Hide Your Shame While Waiting for the Helicopter
Sep 15
•
ninetyoneoctane
F1 Fears Total Financial Collapse After Lando Norris Drinks Unapproved Can of Coke
Sponsors Fear Drivers Are Forgetting That Nothing Comes Before Profits
Sep 14
•
ninetyoneoctane
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