Burnout & Skidmark

Burnout & Skidmark

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There’s No Decency Anymore—Back in the Day, Cars Wore Bras
Lawmakers now considering “automotive modesty standards” as exposed bumpers spark national concern.
 • ninetyoneoctane
FreeTaxUSA Offers to Deposit Your Tax Return Directly to Your Favorite Car Brands
Company says it’s “getting rid of the Turbo Tax so you can buy more car parts!”
 • ninetyoneoctane
Lance Stroll Gifts Adrian Newey Copy of How to Build a Car
Team sources confirm an included note reads, “Thought this might help.”
 • ninetyoneoctane
New Dealer Enthusiast Sports Car Option Removes Windows Entirely
Sales staff say the feature “reduces weight,” “improves scent removal,” and saves drivers the trouble of rolling them down every single time anyway.
 • ninetyoneoctane
International Council of Car Enthusiasts Rules You No Longer Have to Pretend to Enjoy Working on Cars
New guidelines clarify that liking cars, driving cars, and spending money on cars satisfy the requirements, even if you wrenches give you nightmares.
 • ninetyoneoctane
ICE’s Preferred Air Freshener, Rubber Sole, Smells So Real It’s Like You’re Licking the Boot
Agency says the scent “boosts blind loyalty,” “reduces empathy,” and helps agents feel more comfortable during long shifts of abusing authority.
 • ninetyoneoctane
Ferrari Confident Car Will Be Fast Enough to Outpace the Kardashian Curse
Team insists improved race pace, revised suspension geometry, and “a completely new car we are just starting to understand” will protect Lewis Hamilton.
 • ninetyoneoctane
Private Equity Acquires Local Track, Assures Public It Will Remain Completely Accessible to the Wealthy
Firm promises “only positive changes” impacting pricing, staffing, exclusivity, and profits.
 • ninetyoneoctane
Local Man Uses Hims Instead of Octane Booster, Reports 4 Straight Hours of Increased Horsepower
Last minute decision ahead of track day leads to a “firm and immediate performance gain.”
 • ninetyoneoctane
White House Orders Mercedes to Reboot 770s Once Made for Top German Officials in the 1930s
Administration insists request is “purely about performance,” denies knowing why everyone suddenly feels uncomfortable.
 • ninetyoneoctane
Lando’s First Impressions of the 2026 Car: “It’s Got a 1 on It. You See It? You See the 1?”
Norris says car feels fast because it's labeled correctly
 • ninetyoneoctane
IndyCar’s New Freedom 250 Promises Speeds Approaching the Fall of Democracy
Administration officials praise the race as they tell reporters to stop asking questions during this obvious “unifying national moment."
 • ninetyoneoctane
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