LOS ANGELES—Extreme fuel costs across the country have impacted meaningful infrastructure, raised the cost of living for millions, and cost thousands their jobs, and the Fast & Furious star no longer wants to be associated with the nation’s most expensive fuel.
“It was time,” said Vin Diesel as he set the switch on his flex-fuel device to E85. “When I decided to become Vin Diesel, diesel was cheaper than regular gas. But wars and a mismanaged economy have led me to make the devastating but easy announcement that I am now Vin E85. Some say it’s corny, but I think it’s financial intelligence. Even regular intelligence.”
The already extreme and continuously rising fuel costs have also impacted the next installment of Fast, with all real cars being replaced by CGI. Literally no one will be driving a real car.
Han will not be allowed to eat snacks on screen.
The entire movie will be filmed on one street.
There will also be no craft services. All crew and actors are expected to bring and provide their own meals and drinks.
Some have reportedly heard “Pockets are empty, cuh” being whispered around the set.
Vin E85 claims the name change will help keep the movie on budget.
“Nothing will prevent me from making this movie. I like money way too much,” said Vin E85, formerly Diesel. “Not a failing economy, not wars, not a lack of housing, not rising costs, and definitely not an extreme increase in the fuel that serves as a significant backbone of our nation’s economy. Changing my name is a no-brainer. People want to see this movie. What else do they have left?”
As costs show no signs of slowing down, it’s inspiring to see people make a real effort to address the problem plaguing the country’s citizens.
But if things continue as they are, will we see a Vin EV?
Probably.
At this rate?
Definitely.