Truck Owners Can No Longer Afford MPG Loss Caused by Giant Flags

Owners say they wish they knew who is behind rising fuel costs

TULSA—A growing number of truck owners across the country are being forced to make difficult financial decisions as fuel costs continue to rise, with many admitting they can no longer afford the drop in fuel economy caused by the giant flags they have mounted to their overcompensating trucks.

Despite the mounting evidence, however, most owners insist they have no idea what could possibly be behind the sudden increase in costs.

“I used to fill up for like 80 bucks, now it’s pushing 160,” said local driver Steve Simpson, gesturing toward his truck, which features a large flag pole in the bed where a flag used to hang. “Something’s going on. I don’t know whose fault it is. Prices don’t just go up like that for no reason.”

According to a recent study conducted by the Useless Technicals Institute, large bed-mounted flags can reduce fuel efficiency by up to 10 MPG, with researchers describing the effect as “double stupid because most were losing money while shilling for a man that earned the privilege of losing more.”

The findings were quickly dismissed by truck owners.