Truck Owners Can No Longer Afford MPG Loss Caused by Giant Flags

Owners say they wish they knew who is behind rising fuel costs

TULSA—A growing number of truck owners across the country are being forced to make difficult financial decisions as fuel costs continue to rise, with many admitting they can no longer afford the drop in fuel economy caused by the giant flags they have mounted to their overcompensating trucks.

Despite the mounting evidence, however, most owners insist they have no idea what could possibly be behind the sudden increase in costs.

“I used to fill up for like 80 bucks, now it’s pushing 160,” said local driver Steve Simpson, gesturing toward his truck, which features a large flag pole in the bed where a flag used to hang. “Something’s going on. I don’t know whose fault it is. Prices don’t just go up like that for no reason.”

According to a recent study conducted by the Useless Technicals Institute, large bed-mounted flags can reduce fuel efficiency by up to 10 MPG, with researchers describing the effect as “double stupid because most were losing money while shilling for a man that earned the privilege of losing more.”

The findings were quickly dismissed by truck owners.

“That’s all fake news,” said Mark Phashidst, who noted that his fuel costs have risen sharply over the past year. “You can’t trust studies by scientists. They’ll say anything. Next thing you know they’ll tell you windmills are real.”

Experts, meanwhile, have struggled to explain the situation in simpler terms.

“It’s drag,” said mechanical engineer Elena Ruiz. “The flag creates resistance. The engine has to work harder. It uses more fuel. Add the fact that fuel costs more than minimum wage now. It gets expensive. That’s it.”

Ruiz confirmed she has attempted to explain the concept using diagrams, real-world demonstrations, and “just pointing at the flag,” but said most owners remain unconvinced of their misfortune.

For many drivers, the financial strain has begun to extend beyond fuel, with rising costs affecting nearly every aspect of daily life.

“Everything’s expensive right now,” said Norbert Atzi. “Gas, groceries, rent. It’s all going up at the same time. You’d think someone would step in and do something about it.”

Atzi paused briefly when asked if he believed any of the increases could be connected.

“I don’t see how,” he said. “That doesn’t really make sense. That would mean it’s my fault.”

As costs continue to climb, many truck owners say they are being left with fewer options, with some even considering removing their flag poles entirely.

“I don’t want to do that,” Simpson admitted. “But at a certain point, you have to reflect and blame a liberal cuck.”