Suspected Car Thief Stops to Set Coilovers to “Full Hard” & Escapes Police
Authorities admit the coilovers were “dialed in way too good to keep up with.”
LOS ANGELES—Impressing both police and car enthusiasts, a suspected car thief reportedly pulled over mid-chase to adjust his coilovers to “full hard” before promptly outracing and ultimately outrunning officers.
“He literally stopped, popped the hood, spun a few knobs, and took off,” said LAPD officer Mark Delaney. “Normally that would be our chance to catch someone, but he just… took off. It was like chasing a bullet train.”
Witnesses say the suspect calmly adjusted all four corners of the vehicle while officers were still closing in. “It was surgical,” said bystander Joseph Escareno. “He crouched, clicked, clicked, clicked, then floored it. The man knew handling was his way to freedom, and that’s a G move.”
According to experts, stiffening the suspension gave the stolen car a decisive advantage. “Most thieves focus on speed and horsepower, but coilovers separate amateurs from legends,” explained tuner shop owner Raul L. “Full hard means less body roll. Less body roll means tighter corners. It’s like driving on rails, and rails mean cops are eating dust.”
The chase reportedly ended after police attempted to follow the suspect through a series of freeway off-ramps. “Our officers just couldn’t hang,” admitted Delaney. “One officer tried, but his Charger leaned so hard it nearly rolled. He was gone, man. He was just gone.”
Online, the thief has already become something of a folk hero. “Finally, someone who gets it,” wrote one forum user. “Why run stock suspension settings when you’re running from the law? Man’s bringing the track to the street as intended.”
Authorities warn, however, that the move was highly dangerous. “We do not condone adjusting your suspension during an active police pursuit,” said LAPD spokesperson Linda Meyers. “Though, honestly, the precision was impressive. We’ll probably be adding this to police training.”
As I’m writing this article, the suspect remains at large. Police say they will continue the search but acknowledge he is “basically untouchable as long as streets have corner