Subaru Launches New Line of Vape Flavors

Subaru Confirms This Time the Smoke Is Intentional

SIGNAL HILL—Subaru shocked the automotive world this week by announcing a brand-new product line that has everything to do with their drivers: a new line of vape flavors.

The launch includes an initial lineup of “Flat-Brim Hat,” “Monster,” and “Blown Gasket,” each designed to pair perfectly with a car meet and a CEL light that has been on since purchase.

“We’re leaning into our strongest demographic,” said Subaru spokesperson Daniel Kim. “Our data shows that for every WRX sold, at least three vape pens are purchased within the first week. It only makes sense to merge the experience and give our drivers the full starter pack.”

According to Subaru, the flavors were inspired by real-world ownership. “Flat-Brim Hat” delivers a cottony exhale with notes of cheap cologne, “Monster” hits hard with an unrelenting blast of heart palpitations that manifest as jittery movements, and “Blown Gasket” promises the rich, steamy taste of disappointment that every WRX owner already knows.

Reactions from the Subaru community have been overwhelmingly positive. “Finally, a product that understands us,” said local WRX owner Jake Ramirez while exhaling what appeared to be the early stages of popcorn lung. “I can tell Subaru is looking out for us.”

Critics, however, argue the line focuses on the wrong things. “They should be focusing on reliability, not vape juice,” complained Outback owner Laura Ortega. “Now if they included a charger so I can reliably vape, then we’re talkin’.”

Subaru confirmed additional flavors are already in development, including “Engine Failure,” “Bruh,” and “Sex Panther.”