Study Finds EVs Cost 49% More to Insure, Which Makes Sense if You’ve Ever Met a Tesla Driver
Insurance companies mostly cite the unbearable sight of the CyberTruck
SAN FRANCISCO—A new study has confirmed electric vehicles cost 49% more to insure than gas-powered cars. While insurers cite legitimate factors like expensive battery packs and repair costs, experts agree the real reason is obvious: Tesla drivers.
“It’s not the technology. It’s the people,” said analyst Karen Mitchell. “They crash more, brag more, and somehow decide to buy a Cybertruck. The math just adds up.”
The data shows that, sure, maybe EVs are statistically involved in fewer accidents, but the ones that do occur are catastrophic, often involving a driver attempting to demonstrate Full Self-Driving while filming a Reel about financial freedom. “A Camry rear-ending a light pole is a claim. A Tesla rear-ending a light pole is bankruptcy,” Mitchell added.
Tow truck drivers on the front lines back up the findings. “Every EV call feels like babysitting,” said operator Luis Hernandez. “It’s either dead batteries, locked doors, or some guy screaming about how his car is smarter than me. Bro, you just plowed into a stop sign.”
Not all EV owners are pleased with the results. “This is discrimination,” said local Tesla driver Brad Simmons, who was seen parking across three spaces to protect his panels. “I shouldn’t be punished because I’m a visionary. Insurance companies are just jealous they don’t get to sleep while driving.”
Traditional car enthusiasts, however, remain unsurprised. “Insurance premiums should be higher,” said BMW owner Miguel Santos. “If I have to hear one more dude say his Tesla M3 is faster than my M3, I’m swinging. It’s not an M3, man!”
Despite the backlash, insurers insist the numbers don’t lie. “EV drivers are unpredictable,” said Allstate representative Greg Howard. “How else would you explain buying a truck that looks like a dumpster? That type of chaos is just dangerous.”
As EV adoption grows, experts predict insurance rates will continue to rise. Maybe for everyone, but definitely for Tesla owners.