Seeking to Improve, Ferrari Consults Isack Hadjar
Ferrari believes consulting with this level of experience and expertise will help them overcome their recent woes.
MARANELLO—Desperate to escape a reputation for bungled strategies and wasted potential, Ferrari announced today that they have begun consulting with rookie Formula 1 driver Isack Hadjar following his third-place finish at Zandvoort.
Team representatives insisted the decision was not a joke, but a genuine attempt to “learn from the leaders of the grid.” “We have reviewed his performance,” said Ferrari sporting director Laurent Mekies. “He finished third. We didn’t even finish. We need to learn from the best.”
Hadjar, who has fewer race starts than Ferrari has strategic mistakes this season, seemed amused by the arrangement. “I’m still figuring out how to fix my trophy,” he admitted. “Leclerc asked me for advice on finishing on the podium and I told him, ‘Don’t wreck the car?’ He seemed genuinely appreciative.”
Insiders claim Ferrari’s strategists have already peppered Hadjar with questions while furiously scribbling notes into tiny notepads. “They asked him if it was better to pit when the tires were worn out or when they were still fine,” revealed one engineer. “Then someone else asked if it was normal for drivers to want all four tires changed at once.”
Hadjar has reportedly been asked to consult not only on racing but also on daily decision-making in Maranello. “They asked me whether you should cook lasagna at 275 or 375 degrees,” he said. “I told them to use Uber Eats or something.”
The Tifosi online have taken the news with their usual mix of despair. One popular meme shows Hadjar holding a pit board that simply reads ‘Don’t fuck up’ as Ferrari strategists nod in awe. Another shows him pointing at a watch, reminding the team that “they should stop fumbling pit stops.”
Still, the team remains optimistic. “With Isack’s guidance, we believe a podium finish is within reach again,” said Mekies. “And if not, at least we’ll have someone new to blame.”
For his part, Hadjar says he’s honored. “It feels weird being Ferrari’s mentor,” he said. “But if all else fails, I’ll just tell them what every fan has been saying for years: stop.”