Red Bull Strategist Hannah Schmitz Nominated for Nobel Prize, Pulitzer Prize, a Grammy, and an MTV Video Music Award
Committees say her 2025 race strategies “transcend all known human disciplines & capabilities. We think it's magic.”
QATAR—Red Bull chief strategist Hannah Schmitz has been nominated for a Nobel Prize, a Pulitzer Prize, a Grammy, and an MTV Video Music Award for her work this Formula 1 season. Officials across the globe unanimously agreed that Schmitz’s race strategies were so advanced, so cunning, so david blaine like, that “it would feel rude not to give her everything.”
The nominations come after Schmitz masterminded a sequence of strategies so effective that Max Verstappen, counted out by pundits, reddit forums, and Zak Brown halfway through the season, now enters the final race with a very real shot at the World Drivers’ Championship.
“Hannah Schmitz didn’t just change races,” said Nobel Committee chair Ingrid Solheim. “She changed reality. She made strategy decisions that violated physics, mathematics, and on two occasions, indicated potential time travel.”
Pulitzer judges admitted they had no idea why she was even in their system but voted for her anyway. “She didn’t submit an article,” said judge Raymond Ortiz. “But her Monaco undercut was such a masterpiece that it basically counts.”
Grammy’s and MTV representatives declined to comment, merely sending a link to the verstappen song.
Verstappen himself remains unfazed by the wave of global praise. “She deserves it,” he said. “It’s always Hannah. I don’t even have to do anything really. She single handedly defeated the papaya rules.”
One anonymous strategist, believed to be from Ferrari, admitted, “I don’t understand how she keeps doing this. We plan thirty steps ahead and still get beaten by her deciding something in like twelve seconds. How did she know to pit stop so fast under that safety car?”
As the season finale looms, Schmitz appears calm. “I’m honored,” she said. “But I really only care about one prize.”
Asked if she meant the championship, she shook her head.
“No. The VMA. Obviously.”