Porsche Profits Fell 93%, or Four Whole GT3 RSs

Porsche Asks People Not to Worry, They Will Be Raising Prices to Make Up the Difference

STUTTGART—Porsche executives are attempting to calm investor fears after the company reported a staggering 93% drop in profits, a figure approximately equivalent to “four whole GT3 RSs.”

Despite the dramatic decline, company leadership reassured shareholders that the situation remains completely under control and can be resolved by charging more money for everything. This strategy has been successful for them before.

“We understand these numbers may look concerning,” said Porsche CFO Matthias Becker. “But customers should not panic. We will simply continue increasing prices until we make up the difference.”