Nissan Reports It Makes More Money Selling Altima Bumpers Than Altimas

Executives Cite “Unmatched Demand in Areas with High Hot Cheetos Sales”

LONG BEACH—Nissan’s recent earnings reports have confirmed that it now generates more revenue from replacement bumpers for the Altima than from sales of the vehicle itself, citing a “highly engaged and customer base that stays active in them streets.

“This isn’t something we anticipated, but we’ve learned to shift almost all our production to front and rear bumpers before releasing a new model,” said Nissan North America spokesperson Luis Herrera. “The Altima continues to perform exceptionally well in key impact areas, particularly in front-end and rear-end collisions.”