HAWTHORNE—A local funeral home is revolutionizing the death industry by focusing on car enthusiasts and allowing them to finally take their beloved project car out for one last drive. The funeral home offers tiered options that will take your project car off jack stands, put you in the driver’s seat, and even install that turbo you never got to so you can stu-stu-stu-stu in the afterlife.
“They always say, ‘You can’t take it with you’ to motivate you to finish the car, but now you don’t have to finish it,” said Lead Car Enthusiast Embalmer James Fitzpatrick. “Because with us, you actually can take it with you.”
The funeral home offers a basic option where employees will simply take your car off jack stands and conduct the ceremony with it as-is. The stainless steel package completes the project car for you, puts you in the driver’s seat, and takes you through a short parade before finishing at the cemetery.
For enthusiasts unwilling to compromise, the coveted titanium package completes the project car, installs every part you failed to install, adds remote controls, and takes you through a gymkhana-style funeral procession before the car explodes in an enormous ball of fire. Your ashes are then sent to your family inside a 1:5-scale replica of the car.
Authorities warn that grave robbers have already begun aggressively pursuing an exclusive deal with Bring a Trailer to sell cars they plan on acquiring by completely legal means.
Bring a Trailer denied any relationship with the grave robbers, stating that it has no control over how listed vehicles are acquired. However, our reporters could clearly hear several people in the background discussing reserve prices and asking whether the deceased was buried with service records.
It’s hard to say whether the new service will take off, but early demand has reportedly been fast and furious, but several customers have requested their funerals be postponed because they’re almost positive they are going to finish the car this weekend.