New AI Car Promises to Be “No Worse Than Caitlyn Jenner Behind the Wheel”

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SILICON VALLEY—Tech startup DriveMind AI has officially unveiled its new self-driving vehicle platform, promising consumers a revolutionary driving experience that executives say is designed to match “the accountability standards enjoyed by Caitlyn or Brandy.”

According to company representatives, the vehicle’s advanced artificial intelligence has been trained on millions of hours of real-world traffic footage, court outcomes, and historically fascinating but suspicious examples of different people receiving very different consequences for the same actions.

“We know consumers still have concerns about autonomous vehicles,” said DriveMind CEO Eric Navarro. “People always ask, ‘What if the car causes an accident?’ and that’s understandable. But we believe we’ve solved that problem by not focusing so much on prevention and more on consequence management.”