NASA Taps F1 Drivers for Mission to the Sun After Singapore GP, Citing It’s Just a “Heat Hazard”

Scientists argue the FIA said it’s ok.

HOUSTON—NASA announced it will recruit Formula 1 drivers for a groundbreaking mission to the Sun, citing their proven ability to withstand cockpit temperatures hotter than Satan’s ass during the Singapore Grand Prix instead of, I don’t know, just racing somewhere else.

“The data is clear,” said Dr. Matthew Ortiz, NASA’s chief mission planner. “If the FIA says a driver can sit in a carbon tub at 140°F while wearing fireproof underwear and still finish—barely, but still finish—then space travel to the Sun is just another Sunday.”

The announcement comes after years of concern about the Sun’s lethal heat. NASA officials, however, claim the FIA has already downplayed the risks. “They told us it’s fine,” Ortiz confirmed. “According to their standards, anything short of spontaneous combustion is classified as a mere ‘heat hazard.’ We feel reassured. All our studies were wrong. The FIA knows what the human body can withstand.”

Driver reactions were mixed. “Honestly, it can’t be worse than Marina Bay,” said Lando Norris, looking like a British raisin from the last race. “As long as they let me pass Piastri, I’ll go. Also, if I don’t make it, please make sure Piastri doesn’t get my sim rig.”

Four-time world champion Max Verstappen remained characteristically blunt: “The Sun? Easy. I don’t see a problem.”

Others were less enthused. “They’re asking me to race on the Sun?” asked Charles Leclerc. “Sure, these Ferraris can’t win on Earth—but let’s take them to the Sun.”

NASA insists the mission is vital to understanding how the FIA comes to the decisions they do and never suffer consequences. The spacecraft will reportedly feature halo protection, DRS on ascent, and “probably some illegal aero Ferrari will still mess up.”

Critics, however, have raised concerns about the ethics of sending athletes instead of trained astronauts. “This is reckless,” said actual astronaut Dr. Karen Meyers. “Drivers are not astronauts, and humans can’t withstand the heat of the Sun. Who is running the FIA?”

Despite the criticism, the FIA has already given its blessing. “We reviewed the Sun’s safety plan,” explained FIA president Mohammed Ben Sulayem. “We saw no issues. If it gets too hot, the drivers can always open the visor for fresh air—in the vacuum of space.”

As of press time, the mission remains on track for 2026, with NASA engineers fine-tuning pit stops scheduled somewhere near Venus.