More Millennials Buying Dream Cars as Homes Completely Out of Reach

With real estate prices soaring, many millennials are choosing BMW tax over property tax.

DENVER—Faced with a housing market that now requires generational wealth or a winning lottery ticket, millennials across the country are shifting their definition of “investment” from bricks and mortar to boost and carbon.

“I was saving for a house until I did the math,” said 33-year-old Cristian Vargas, revving his imported Nissan Skyline. “Turns out, for the amount of money that gets you a three-square-foot tiny home, I can get a JDM legend with 92,000 kilometers and go to the track. Easy choice.”

According to a new study from the Useless Technicals Institute, nearly 41% of millennials now report spending their “home savings” on cars they dreamed about in high school. The other 59% admit they were never going to afford a home anyway and just needed an excuse.

“It’s not about being reckless,” said car enthusiast and part-time DoorDash driver Maribel Fuentes. “It’s about joy. I can’t raise a family in this economy, but I can hit 8,000 RPM in an E92 M3 and still have enough left over to replace the rod bearings.”

Real estate agents are reportedly unfazed. “Honestly, they were never serious buyers,” said broker Todd Jennings, polishing the same lockbox he hasn’t used since 2021. “They never stopped eating avocado toast, and they show up to open houses in widebody Rocket Bunny Hondas. I can't expect to make a good commission off that.”

Even financial advisors have started embracing the trend, albeit reluctantly. “We used to suggest IRAs and ETFs,” said analyst Priya Desai. “Now I just ask if they’ve at least got full coverage. If they’re gonna torch their net worth, they may as well make a dream come true.”

Despite concerns about long-term consequences, most millennials interviewed were surprisingly optimistic—mainly due to carbon monoxide poisoning that compromised their reasoning.

“Housing market? I don’t even look at it anymore,” said Miguel Rojas, who recently financed a Porsche 911 GT3 with a payment plan that outlives him. “The car depreciates by miles every time I drive it, but I appreciate that it helps me forget I live in a studio apartment above a vape shop.”

As millennials redline away from traditional adulthood, experts warn of a coming crisis: where to park all these dream cars when nobody owns a driveway.

One thing is clear, while boomers continue to amass wealth and ruin the economy, millennials are building boost.

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