Miami Sprint Race Apologizes, Says It Was “Hungover”

Regrets Performance Fans Describe as “A Little Better Than Watching Paint Dry”

MIAMI—The Formula 1 Miami Sprint Race issued a formal apology Saturday afternoon after delivering what fans described as “19 laps of this-could-have-been-a-text,” citing “severe hangover symptoms” following a night out that reportedly began in Brickell and ended somewhere behind E11EVEN.

“We’d like to apologize to fans, teams, and anyone who watched, even second-screened it,” the race said in a statement. “We made some choices last night. We thought we could handle it. We could not.”

Sources confirm the evening escalated quickly after what was supposed to be “just one drink” turned into bottle service alongside Pitbull, DJ Khaled, and an increasingly aggressive playlist consisting entirely of songs where DJ Khaled yells his own name.

“At one point, Pitbull just looked at us, said ‘Dalé,’ and kept going,” the race admitted. “We couldn’t leave him hanging. We had to keep going too.”

Witnesses say the Sprint Race attempted to match the pace, reportedly taking cues from Khaled as he yelled “another one.” From there, the entire operation lost control.

By race morning, the effects were evident.

Drivers circulated the Miami International Autodrome in what fans described as “completely unnecessary,” with no action and long stretches of viewers scrolling on their phones instead.

“It felt less like racing and more like traffic on I-95,” said one spectator. “At one point I started watching Drive to Survive. I got desperate.”

Despite the criticism, the sprint remains optimistic.

“We’ll bounce back,” the race said. “Honestly, we’re just overshadowed by that larger, real race that everyone seems to actually care about.”