Method Actor Matthew McConaughey Reveals He Can’t Stop Monologuing in His Lincoln

Sources claim to have seen McConaughey sitting in parked Lincolns for over a decade, “just thinking out loud”

AUSTIN—Local residents and confused passersby have reported repeated sightings of Matthew McConaughey sitting alone in various parked Lincolns across the city, calmly delivering monologues about liking Lincolns to no one. Well, sometimes he’ll talk to the animals.

According to witnesses, McConaughey appears fully immersed, often staring out the windshield or into the middle distance as he speaks in a slow, reflective tone about time, purpose, and why I should buy a Lincoln.

“I walked by and he was just sitting there, engine off, saying something about how ‘the road doesn’t care where you’ve been, only where you’re willing to go,’” said local resident Daniel Reyes. “There was no camera crew, no lights, just him and a Big Mac in his passenger seat.”