SINGAPORE—A collision between teammates Norris and Piastri at the Singapore Grand Prix this weekend has led to strategic changes in the McLaren garage. The team has officially documented, in bold and underlined text, the previously unwritten rule that drivers should not hit each other in order to optimize their finishing positions.
McLaren stumbled upon this revolutionary idea while attempting to figure out how to prevent Norris and Piastri from going at each other in the media.
“We had to come up with a solution. These guys were fighting in the media, and we had to solve it quickly,” said team principal Andrea Stella. “When things get challenging, we go back to the trusted basics, Papaya Rules. That’s when we realized we’d never actually told them they couldn’t hit each other. The solution was right in front of us the whole time. Just tell them not to hit each other and make it part of the rules! We might actually win this thing now.”
Norris initially stated that he had a big gap and went for it because it was within his right to do so. However, immediately following the Papaya Rules update, Norris found himself stating that he should never have attempted the move in the first place. McLaren’s strategy seems to be working not only in the future but in the past as well.
We asked Piastri for his thoughts, and a visibly frustrated Piastri simply stated, “It was a Sprint race.”
Stella continued to communicate the rule changes to the rest of the crew, informing them that they were also not allowed to run into each other in the paddock. No one is allowed to run into each other. In a car, on a scooter, walking, running, crawling. NO COLLISIONS. He believes McLaren has finally found its winning strategy.
“Everyone thinks about the drivers, but what about material damages? We have to get these cars in working order,” said Stella as Zak Brown stared him down menacingly. “If everyone in the garage is running into each other, how are they supposed to fix the car? If the PR team runs into each other, how are they supposed to spin our failures? No one running into each other means nothing but success going forward! Right, Zak? You agree, yeah?”
It’s unclear if the updated Papaya Rules can secure a championship for the McLaren team, but we ran the numbers.
It turns out that a car that hasn’t been crashed is significantly more competitive than one that has. However, it’s still too early to determine whether this strategy will work.