Mazda 787B to Perform Tiny Desk Concert
Producers reportedly impressed by its screaming four-part harmony.
WASHINGTON, D.C.—The legendary Mazda 787B has been announced as the next performer on Tiny Desk Concerts. The decision reportedly came after receiving thousands of emails, DMs, and letters asking for the 787B to come out of retirement.
The 787B, famous for its ear-splitting four-rotor wail and 1991 Le Mans victory, arrived at NPR headquarters earlier this week, immediately blowing out three microphones and shattering every coffee mug within a thirty-foot radius. Producers, however, were quick to defend the chaos.
“We’re always looking for artists who bring something fresh,” said Tiny Desk producer Claire Jennings. “And when that thing turned over at 12,000 RPM, we felt something none of our other performers ever gave us. Many car-obsessed nerds call it the greatest sound on earth.”
According to crew members, the performance will feature a 15-minute medley of the car’s greatest hits, including Idle, Slow Acceleration, Fast Acceleration, Downshift, Full Throttle, and 9,000 Decibels. Sound engineers are currently suing for damages to their eardrums.
“It’s the first time we’ve had to reinforce the desk,” said NPR technician Javier Morales. “The moment it arrived, the set was wrecked. It’ll be a while before anyone performs here again. But man, the tone was pure.”
Fans are calling the booking a historic crossover between motorsport and music. “The 787B sings better than the best of them. It sings through your soul,” said one excited attendee. “Celine Dion whispers by comparison. The 787B screams until you submit to its glory.”
The Tiny Desk episode, reportedly titled The Performance Audible from Space, will air next month, assuming the microphones survived. As for the 787B, sources say it’s already warming up for an encore tour featuring guest appearances from the Lexus LFA and a Group B RS200.