Man Spotted With Medical Emergency Was Just Trying to Breathe Away Fart Before Picking Up Date
Witnesses misread desperate ventilation technique as life-threatening distress.
PHOENIX—Neighbors panicked this week after spotting a man breathing heavily inside his parked car, fearing he was experiencing a medical emergency. Responding paramedics quickly discovered that he was simply trying to clear out a fart before his date arrived.
“I thought he was dying,” said neighbor Linda Jenkins. “He was hunched forward, taking these deep, frantic breaths like he was about to collapse. But when the paramedics opened the door, it was… an entirely different crisis.”
According to reports, the man, identified only as Carlos Ramirez, had cut one loose moments before pulling up to pick up his date. In a desperate attempt to mask the smell, he began inhaling and exhaling dramatically, hoping sheer lung power could filter the air.
“Look, I panicked,” Ramirez admitted. “She texted, ‘I see you, I’ll be right out,’ and I realized the timing couldn’t have been worse. I didn’t have Febreze, and the windows don’t work yet. All I could think was that I needed to filter the air somehow. My body became the filter.”
The situation escalated when nearby residents, seeing only a man thrashing and gasping in his car, dialed 911. “It was textbook mistaken hyperventilation,” said paramedic Joseph Ortega. “We came prepared for cardiac arrest and instead found a guy in a cloud of his own brand. He wasn’t fighting for his life, he was fighting for his date’s.”
Critics say the incident highlights society’s obsession with appearances. “This is what happens when people fear social embarrassment over normal bodily functions,” said behavioral analyst Linda Meyers. “He would rather hyperventilate than let someone smell his humanity. That’s dangerous.”
Despite the humiliation, Ramirez insists he learned a valuable lesson. “Next time I’m fixing my windows. Or, better yet, I’ll just lie and say the car’s got an exhaust leak.”
Neighbors remain divided on whether calling 911 was appropriate. “Better safe than sorry,” Jenkins said. “Though honestly, the smell nearly knocked me out too. Maybe it was an emergency.”
Ramirez’s date had reportedly entered the car, politely said nothing, and locked her stare straight forward the whole time. Witnesses confirm she texted ‘SOS’ to the group chat.