IRVINE—A local Orange County shop is revolutionizing automotive repair by applying information technology principles to the tax-subsidized appliances now dominating our public roads. Local man Roberto Rodriguez is leading the way with techniques he developed working behind a cubicle and occasionally in databases. With organizations like Tesla running their operations like failing software companies, it was only a matter of time before these discoveries were made and exploited.
“I used to make mid six figures solving major IT problems for some of the biggest companies,” said the surprisingly clean Rodriguez. “All I did all day was watch anime and occasionally turn computers on and off. It worked every time. Once I decided to start my own business, I realized what the logical next step would be, EVs. Those owners are idiots and the cars are just computers on wheels. What could go wrong?”
Rodriguez opened his shop four months ago and since then has repaired hundreds of cars. Luckily for him, the quality control on these things is atrocious, so business has been boomin’. He is able to repair 200 cars per hour using his technique of turning them off and on again but does admit that occasionally he has to unplug them and keep them off for a few seconds for the repair to take, which prevents him from hitting those 200 every hour. He charges a diagnostic & repair fee of $189 per vehicle. In an eight-hour day he clears $266,000, with the occasional three-second unplugging procedure severely cutting into his earning potential. He still drives a Porsche GT3 RS to his shop daily.
With EVs being the future of human road travel, it’s clear Rodriguez is going to be rich beyond comprehension, assuming private equity doesn’t buy EV.ID10T and ruin it for everyone first.
“I don’t know why I’m the only one doing this, but I have started a course to certify people to do the same thing. There are just so many shitty electric cars that I can’t keep up,” said Rodriguez as he wiped his sweat with a $100 bill. “The course is just the IT training guide from my last company, but I added the name of my company, EV.ID10T LLC. If it was good enough for me, it’s good enough for them.”
Consumers are confused why electric car manufacturers have not started adopting these practices instead of making them buy new batteries or a whole new car. We decided to ask CEOs of all the major electric vehicle manufacturers why they had not adopted IT techniques to their cars, and they all had the same answer.
“We fired that department.”