Local Man with Perfect Flush Fitment Forced to Drive Friends One at a Time
Owner Confirms Car Comfortably Seats Five, Just Not at the Same Time
RIVERSIDE—He spent nearly a year obsessively chasing the perfect flush fitment, local BMW owner Brandon Sanchez confessed Sunday that after buying multiple sets of wheels and tires, experimenting with different spacer combinations, installing adjustable coilovers and suspension arms, rolling his fenders, and repeatedly raising and lowering the car by just a few millimeters at a time, he finally achieved exactly the stance he had envisioned…only to realize he’d never once accounted for the possibility of carrying passengers.
Witnesses say Sanchez proudly volunteered to drive four friends to dinner before the second passenger climbed into the back seat, causing the rear tires to immediately slam into the fenders. By the time a third passenger got in, the suspension had compressed so much that the tires were supporting the weight of the car instead of the suspension. Attempts to leave the parking lot ended moments later after the vehicle reportedly refused to move more than six inches without sounding like when you were little and put a soda can on the rear tire of your bike then went all fast.
“I can’t believe I overlooked this,” said Sanchez while removing fresh rubber from the inside of his quarter panels. “I tested it with a full tank of gas. I tested it with an empty tank. I measured clearances with different tire pressures. I even checked it with my backpack in the trunk. The whole time, I was turning the car into a two-seater.”
Friends say Sanchez has now developed a system that he calls a “simplified transportation strategy,” making multiple trips whenever the group goes anywhere together. While initially confused, they admit the system is a complete waste of time, gas, and tires, but it has dramatically reduced the smell of burning rubber inside the cabin.
“It’s actually pretty efficient,” said friend Tyler Ramirez while waiting for Sanchez to return from dropping off the first passenger. “He takes one of us to the restaurant, comes back for another, and usually gets the last person there just in time for dessert. And we all get a chance at looking really cool.”
Sanchez has also started asking passengers for their approximate weight before offering them a ride, explaining that the information is “strictly for suspension adjustments” and not personal. He keeps a bathroom scale in the garage for situations where estimates appear overly optimistic.
Currently, Sanchez is attempting to solved the issue by replacing the springs in his Ford Fiesta with solid metal cylinders, early tests don’t show any signs success. Hard parked it looks legit though.