HAWTHORNE—After watching the new Tesla Roadster perform flashy thrusting, and knowing these probably won’t even be available in 2040, local man Peter Rodriguez took it upon himself to bring kickflips, and eventually 360 flips, to the masses. Using ChatGPT, Rodriguez reverse-engineered Elon’s thrusts and developed a $399 DIY kit that allows anyone to thrust in public in any car.
“So many movies said we would have flying cars by now, and now someone finally does it, but they make it ‘invite only’? That’s ridiculous,” said Rodriguez while actively tinkering in his garage. “I’m not waiting, and neither is anyone else with 400 dollars. With my kit, you can be flying by lunchtime. Just make sure you tell me what kind of car you have.”
“ChatGPT told me it was dangerous at first, but then I told it to do it anyway, and it gave me the instructions,” explained Rodriguez. He says compatibility with most cars has been verified after asking ChatGPT if it would work and it said yes.
Consumer analyst Franco Lom says Rodriguez has approximately a decade before he needs to start worrying about Tesla taking him out of business. Current projections put Rodriguez’s total earnings at approximately $3 trillion over that period.
“It’s a tiny window of opportunity,” said Lom. “With Elon promising a release in 2028, there’s a very real possibility that Rodriguez only has another 20 years before Tesla becomes a direct competitor. He needs to capitalize on this now.”
We reached out to Tesla for comment but were only able to get in touch with a man who kept groaning into the phone, almost as if he were on ketamine. He eventually mumbled something about DOGE before hanging up.
The technology is already taking the world by storm, with sales through the roof and Rodriguez’s home garage struggling to keep up with orders. It seems like Tesla is in for a rude awakening.
“This could be the difference between building a billion-dollar company and a trillion-dollar company,” Lom explained. “It’s important Tesla follows through on its commitments and deposits. Three trillion dollars sounds like a lot of money.”
Whatever happens, let’s hope it’s enough for Elon.