Local Man Registers Car as Firearm to Ensure It’s Always Protected
Man says it was the only way to ensure his property was legally protected
AUSTIN—A local car enthusiast has reportedly taken steps to protect his vehicle by successfully registering it as a firearm, citing what he describes as “a stronger and impenetrable legal framework.”
The owner, 62-year-old James Orson, said the decision came after years of drills he had to participate in while attending schools across the US instead of being protected by the law.
“I looked into my options,” Orson said. “As a car, it’s basically unprotected. As a firearm, suddenly the rules don’t matter, consequences are make-believe, and people can’t take it away from you. It just made sense.”
According to documents we received from local officials, Orson was able to classify the vehicle under a “creative interpretation” of existing definitions, arguing that the car is capable of “projecting force” and therefore meets the general spirit of the law.
Legal experts remain divided on the legitimacy of the move, though many acknowledge the reasoning.
“From a strictly legal standpoint, this is beyond stupid,” said attorney Melissa Rios. “From a practical standpoint, I understand why he did it. People put all these rules on cars that let them take them from you. Nobody treats firearms that way.”
Orson says the change has already had a noticeable impact. He claims he has stopped making his monthly payments, has run over several mailboxes, and that no one has attempted to take the car once.
“In fact, the HOA gave me an award for removing mailboxes no one actually cared about,” Orson added. “They were just pretended to.”
“I haven’t had a single person touch it,” he said. “Not even accidentally. It’s the most peace of mind I’ve ever had.”
Officials have not yet clarified whether similar registrations will be permitted moving forward, though sources indicate there has been a sudden increase in inquiries from car owners exploring “alternative classifications,” including those that may come with “smog exemptions.”