HALLOWEEN—This year’s trick-or-treaters made a haunting discovery. What was once the king-size-candy-bar house on the block had been sold to the worst kind of people no-candy people.
The excited kids would always leave this house for last as a final celebration of their accumulated spoils. They knocked on the door. They knocked on the door. They knocked on the door again… nothing. No king-size Snickers for the neighborhood kids this year, and if they weren’t getting a treat, that left them with one option… trick.
“I didn’t get my king-size Snickers, and I’m not me when I’m hungry,” said 10-year-old Steve Coronado. “When we knocked the third time, we heard the TV and lights turn off. Luckily, we saw the garage open and a super clean E36. My dad has one of those, and he loves it way more than me. The idea came up with itself. It had to go back on jack stands.”
We have yet to confirm if the car was damaged or disabled in any way, but it’s clear that the car was mounted on jack stands, the ECU appears to have been messed with, and his RockAuto magnets were all scratched up to look like spent scratchers.
“I literally just finished the car and went on a cruise, so the garage was open, but I didn’t think I was neighbors with tiny mechanics,” said James Pumphkoste as he ate a king-size Snickers. “Who is buying candy to give away in this economy anyway? Shouldn’t they be at a trunk-or-treat? I think they took my jack, too. I have to go to Harbor Freight before getting it back down.”
We asked the children why they’d chosen unconventional methods for tricks this year, and they stated simply,
“Eggs and toilet paper are for boomers.”
It’s clear we don’t understand the limits of these kids’ power when sugar is involved, and going forward, project-car owners might want to add a Costco run before October 31st to their automotive budget.
Or risk crossing paths with the hypoglycemic Thanos of children.