LOS ANGELES—Double-digit arrests were made and hundreds of parents’ cars were impounded when the Los Angeles Police Department completed “Operation Street Sweeper” overnight, busting not one, not two, not three, but four street takeovers.
A fleet of tow trucks descended on the rowdy Los Angeles intersections, leaving the AAA roadside service wait time at approximately eight hours and moving more straight pipe than Stephan, JaAAck Stephan. The tow trucks had to route cars to a higher quantity of impound lots than usual due to lots having a limit on Infinitis they are willing to accept because they are “tired of dealing with all the broccoli heads.”
The LAPD used drones they use to track their exes to track down the takeover events instead of using Instagram like the rest of us and arrived with buses to transport the suspects directly to jail. The use of buses allowed law enforcement to clear the area faster and help the suspects transition into their future mode of transportation. It was reported that seven firearms were recovered as part of the sting, but we are still waiting on reports on how many were lost by officers.
One unintended consequence of the operation is hundreds of parents lost their jobs the next morning after not having cars to get to work.
“I didn’t realize this idiot was taking my car until it wasn’t there this morning,” said Carlos Patino, a now-unemployed father. “I should have known. I’ve replaced tires eight times this year. He probably stole the cats himself too. I didn’t think I was capable of spawning negative IQ. I’m sorry.”
The LAPD has confirmed that the removal of Infinitis from the road recently has resulted in 96% safer streets, with the remaining 4% achievable through targeted operations on Altimas, Chargers, and Camaros. While it took long enough, the LAPD is finally targeting the real problem instead of us car enthusiasts, but it’s only a matter of time before they come back after realizing the suspects they arrested at these takeovers can’t actually afford the citations.