In the Spirit of Fairness, Verstappen Will Start Next Grand Prix from Spectator Parking Lot C

All are hopeful that forcing him to fight through parking spot chaos, lost pedestrians, and overpriced food might finally level the playing field.

SAO PAULO—Following yet another podium finish from an impossible grid position, the FIA has announced that, in the spirit of fairness, Max Verstappen will start the next Grand Prix from Spectator Parking Lot C.

Officials hope that beginning the race half a mile from the circuit, surrounded by lost fans and overcooked burgers, will “at least give Lando and Piastri a small chance.” FIA spokesperson Jeanette Moreau explained, “We’ve already tried penalties, grid drops, and pretending track limits exist. None of it worked. At this point, we have to consider starting him in rush-hour traffic.”

Rival drivers have expressed optimism and encouragement. “Parking Lot C? That’s not bad,” said Lando Norris. “Is that the farthest lot? They should use the farthest lot. Where’s Piastri starting?”

Regardless of the starting point, few doubt the outcome. As one FIA official admitted quietly, “He’s inevitable. We’re just running out of ideas.”