NEW YORK—Turns out the economy is doing fantastic. The only difference now is that you just have to plan for purchases previous generations used to make impulsively on a whim.
Over the last few decades, the 529 has made it possible for millions of people to go to college, and why not use the same system for other life milestones that are now out of reach? Section 420 Code 69 of the Internal Revenue Code allows you to save for major life events like not going hungry, and financial experts are recommending you use it to save for purchases previous generations used to make on minimum wage, like buying a house, a TV, having a child, and going out to eat once a month.
This includes the infamous midlife crisis. Increasingly younger generations are resorting to midlife crisis activities like staying at home because it’s cheaper. Well, they could have it all if they just saved for 45 straight years, invested every month, and hoped for 8% growth in the stock market.
“The midlife crisis is as American as destabilizing developing countries. Americans should not give up on that dream,” stated financial advisor Jordan Curret. “With a little foresight by parents, their children might not be able to have homes, good jobs, or raises that outpace inflation, but they can save for 45 years and put a down payment on a Corvette when they are tired of living in midlife.”
Some parents have started their child’s midlife crisis funds instead of college funds based on their expectations of the future.
“It’s all over. I mean, AI already took my job, and these data centers won’t let me sleep. My child has no chance. They aren’t going to make any money,” said new father Pedro Infantino while he got ready for his night shift at Olive Garden. “I need two jobs to keep up. At this rate, they will probably need eight. Why not let them drive to those eight jobs in style?”
With tariffs driving prices out of reach, wars driving fuel out of reach, wages being outpaced by inflation, layoffs increasing, and the healthcare system bankrupting us, one might think that the economy, and in turn your situation, is bad. But it’s not. It’s a matter of perspective.
If you just work until you die and save for 40 years at a time, you can almost have anything you want.
Kind of.