Enthusiast Finally Invests in Project Car, Buys Whole New Set of Jack Stands

Experts Say Upgraded Stands Should Support at Least Another Decade of Excuses

CLEVELAND—Local enthusiast Kevin Morales proudly announced this week that his long-dormant project car is finally receiving a major investment: a brand-new set of jack stands.

“It was time to stop ignoring the project car,” Morales said, patting the unopened Harbor Freight box like a proud father. “Three-ton capacity, extra-wide base. Only the best for my project car.”

Neighbors, however, remain confused. “That car hasn’t had wheels on it since 2017,” said Angela Ruiz, who lives across the street. “I’ve watched him walk past that car on jack stands hundreds of times, but I’ve never seen him working on it. And you’re telling me the first thing he did since then is to continue not working on it?”

Experts agree the purchase is unlikely to change much. “Upgraded stands simply guarantee the project will remain airborne longer,” explained mechanic Daniel Perez. “It’s like buying better furniture for your garage. Comfortable for you, useless for progress.”

Friends who once helped wrench on the build have stopped showing up. “Kevin invited me over to see the ‘big upgrade,’” said longtime buddy Jorge Salinas. “I thought he finally finished the engine swap. Nope, just shiny new stands holding up the same sad chassis. I just turned around and left. Fuck that guy.”

Despite the criticism, Morales insists this is a turning point. “Look, Rome wasn’t built in a day, and neither is a track-ready S13,” he said. “Now that the car is properly supported again, I can focus on the rest of it. One of these days.”

As of this article’s publication date, the project car remains safely suspended, untouched, and exactly where it has been for nearly a decade. Experts say at this rate the jack stands will qualify for historic vehicle plates before the car does.