Crescent Wrench Disappears Moments After Being Adjusted to 10mm
Local Man Forced to Finish Job With Imperial Sockets
GARDENA—In what seems like wizardry not seen since Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, a crescent wrench has vaporized into thin air after the owner used it on a 10mm bolt since he had already lost track of all his 10mm sockets. Automotive tool experts are baffled by the transitive properties that have come to light on the elusive metric size, and further analysis only unveiled more shocking results.
“666 isn’t the number of the beast. 10mm is,” said Useless Technicals Institute’s biggest tool—expert. “We’ve discovered that if you want something to disappear, you find a way to size it to 10mm. We are carefully analyzing a variety of materials to determine whether they vaporize or end up in a dimension we aren’t aware of.”
This all started with local Gardena man Ivan Delgado, who was approximately eight hours into a thirty-minute job when he discovered all his tool kits were missing their 10mm sockets. He dug through every tool drawer and could only find a crescent wrench. He set it to the size of the bolt, tightened it, but before he could pick it back up to tighten the next bolt, the adjustable wrench was nowhere to be found.
“I was almost done. I was so happy I didn’t have to go buy more tools. I really thought I was in the home stretch. I swear this proves we’re in the Matrix,” said Ivan, now in utter disbelief. “I set the wrench down, looked away, and it was just gone. A simulation is the only explanation. Or gnomes. Those gnomes are sneaky as hell.”
The Useless Technicals Institute went on to spend $60 million testing monkey wrenches, crescent wrenches, AN wrenches, and even sockets made of wood in an attempt to finally identify where in the world they are going. The mystery remains unsolved, and all scientists involved in the research have now disappeared, with some speculating the scientists and the 10mm tools are currently somewhere in the Backrooms.
We reached out to Kane Parsons for confirmation, and he responded with a single cryptic line:
“What are you talking about?”
The mystery continues.