Corvette Now Slowest Selling Car in the U.S. Due to Lack of Driver Seat Time
Analysts say most owners have logged more miles in their New Balances than driving.
DETROIT—The Chevrolet Corvette, once synonymous with midlife crises and mall parking lot dominance, has officially become the slowest-selling car in the United States, according to new data that experts blame on “a national shortage of owners who can actually get through a corner properly.”
“It’s not that people don’t want Corvettes,” explained market analyst Henry Morales. “It’s that the people who buy them don’t seem to drive them hard—except on the straights. They spend most of their time standing next to them in white sneakers, hands on hips, talking about how ‘this is basically a supercar.’”
Dealers nationwide report C8s selling quickly but being described as “immaculately underdriven.” “We sold out three months ago,” said dealership manager Kyle Benson. “The last one took about half an hour to drive off the lot. To be fair, we do have a lot of turns on the lot.”
Owners argue the criticism is unfair. “I drive mine plenty,” said proud Corvette owner Gary Thompson, 61. “Every Sunday I take it to Cars and Coffee. That’s a round trip of at least six miles. I took it to the track once, but they kept tailgating me, so I don’t go anymore.”
The report from the Useless Technicals Institute found that the average Corvette owner spends nearly four hours a week polishing their car and less than twelve minutes actually driving it. “They seem to think they’re fast just for having it,” said researcher Dana Gutierrez. “One participant refused to let someone pass because, ‘My car is faster than that Miata.’”
Industry experts predict the trend will continue as it has for decades, as Corvette owners remain committed to avoiding scuffing up their New Balances by driving the car too hard.