Cadillac F1 Reportedly Considering Dodgers Manager Dave Roberts for Team Principal
Sources say he’s already considering Miguel Rojas for an F1 seat.
LOS ANGELES—After witnessing Dave Roberts’ “masterclass” in the World Series, Cadillac’s Formula 1 program is reportedly in advanced talks to hire the Dodgers skipper as team principal. Insiders claim Roberts’ “bold decision-making” and “what he did to the country of Canada” perfectly align with Cadillac’s long-term vision of absolutely dominating when your athletes are being paid ungodly amounts of money.
According to sources, Cadillac executives were “mesmerized” by Roberts’ ability to summon success where there is zero momentum, comparing him to a man who “looks directly into the chaos and makes it blink first.” One insider reportedly asked, “If he can pull out Game 7 with no bullpen, silent bats, and a concussed Kiké, what could he do with 24 races in a Cadillac?”
Cadillac officials have already begun drafting a formal offer, which includes a lifetime supply of sunflower seeds and the deletion of that video where he faceplanted trying to race Hyeseong Kim. Early reports suggest Roberts plans to bring his entire Dodgers analytics team to Formula 1, promising “lineup changes that will redefine Formula 1.”
“What Dave achieved this season transcended baseball,” said Cadillac spokesperson Monica Reyes. “It wasn’t just a championship, it was magic. He taught us that leadership isn’t about managing players. It’s about bending reality in order to make impossible shit happen.”
When asked about the rumors, Roberts gave his signature calm smile. “I don’t know anything about Formula 1,” he said. “But winning is winning. Whether it’s a baseball diamond or a 200-mile-per-hour death machine, I’ll find a way. The team will find a way.”
Meanwhile, Miguel Rojas has already begun simulator training, allegedly recording lap times faster than the AI-generated Verstappen. “Dave just looked at me and said, ‘You’re ready,’” Rojas told reporters. “And then I was.”
FIA officials are reportedly considering preemptively awarding Cadillac the 2026 title to “save everyone the trouble.” As one insider put it, “When Dave Roberts is in charge, the laws of sport—and possibly gravity—just stop applying.”