AE86 Voted Best Tofu Delivery Vehicle for 27th Straight Year

Experts Admit Testing Was Done With the Help of Lonely Drivers

NIKKO—For the 27th consecutive year, the Toyota AE86 has been crowned the world’s premier tofu delivery vehicle, beating out strong contenders such as Uber Eats scooters, delivery drones, and one guy’s clapped-out E36 that made it exactly two blocks before overheating.

The results were announced by the International Tofu Transport Association, which admitted its testing data relied heavily on “runs piloted by lonely drivers.”

“We looked at stability, cargo protection, and the ability to downshift mid-corner while the eurobeat intensifies,” said lead tester Dr. Kenji Sato. “The AE86 is the only vehicle that consistently delivers silky tofu without a single crack, provided the driver is the son of a tofu shop owner.”

Witnesses say the testing was unusually thorough. “One guy actually drove 37 miles with a bowl of tofu on the passenger seat,” reported fellow judge Aya Takahashi. “Not a drop spilled. He said his dad made him do it. We didn’t ask further questions.”

The AE86’s continued dominance has sparked controversy. “Tofu is old news,” complained Civic owner Marco Diaz. “They just don’t want to admit that I’d beat them in a gum-tape death match.”

Still, the association stands by its decision. “Until another car can four-wheel-drift down Mt. Akina while protecting bean curd, the AE86 remains undefeated,” Sato concluded.

Grubhub responded by reminding customers their drivers already spill less tofu than Uber Eats Drivers.