AAA Considers Banning BMW Cars from Roadside Service, Citing Massive Losses
Company reports most tow trucks are now “basically dedicated BMW shuttles.”
ATLANTA—Disappointing glove-wearing BMW drivers everywhere, AAA announced this week it is considering banning BMW velhicles from roadside assistance, citing “crippling financial losses.”
“Our data shows that nearly 89 percent of our service calls are BMWs, and that’s being generous,” said AAA spokesperson Linda Meyers. “We’re talking about cars that won’t start, cars overheating, electrical gremlins, key fobs refusing to talk to the car, and one guy who swore his M3 only broke down because of the cold air intake. We’re just not built for this kind of volume.”
Tow truck drivers on the front lines confirm the problem. “I know every BMW owner in my district by name at this point,” said driver Marcus Lee. “Last week I towed the same 335i three times in 12 hours. By the end, the owner was putting in for gas money. I was basically his Uber.”
Owners, however, are less convinced. “That’s ridiculous,” insisted local BMW driver Julian Cortez, standing beside his E46 stuck in limp mode. “This thing is bulletproof. I just call AAA a lot because I don’t feel like fixing it. Honestly, it’s more about convenience. Plus, I already paid, so I better get my money’s worth.”
Analysts say the math is bleak. “When a membership costs $129 a year but each service call costs AAA about $400, it doesn’t take many stranded 5-Series owners before the whole business collapses,” explained industry expert Karen Holloway. “At this point AAA might as well rebrand as Bimmer Breakdown Assistance.”
Despite the looming ban, BMW enthusiasts remain defiant. “If AAA won’t tow me, someone else will,” said Cortez. “Or I’ll just roll the car downhill until it starts.”
AAA has yet to make a final decision, but insiders suggest a compromise may be reached: charging BMW drivers triple the standard rate or offering them a gym membership so they are strong enough to push the car themselves, which, according to one executive, would be “the only subscription that actually makes sense for these people.”